(Make-Out) Song Of The Week - "Love, Love, Love (Love, Love)" by As Tall As Lions

This week's song can fit a few different moods, depending on what your intentions are (that didn't sound right). Even though the title enforces a stern topic, the feel of this track is also very lustful. It may be one of the best 'make-out' songs unintentionally created to be. It's passionate yet seductively sexual. I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way. It makes me want to have the sloppiest kissing session ever, which would then lead to ripping each other's' clothes off. At the same time, I want to hold that person and ask her to runaway together ....even if I didn't mean it. This can't be healthy. As Tall As Lions needs to be prescribed with a lower dosage. Ah!

I advise you to only play this song with someone you really like. Otherwise, you may make a dumb mistake due to over-consumption of love, love, love, love, love ......get it?

Placeholders: The "In-Between" Girlfriends

If you don't know what a placeholder is, to put it simply, they're girls you're not that interested in having a romantic future with but they'll do for the time being. They're glorified seat warmers. They keep you from getting rusty in the dating game. They're typically not someone you're head-over-heels for. Usually lacking something (or many things). They're either decently attractive with a tolerable personality, or pretty hot with a dull personality. In other words, they don't completely fulfill you. But hey! You're lonely and she's willing, so what the hell, right?

It's important to make sure that you don't let a placeholder become too attached. Know your goal and stick to it. Are you doing it for the sex? Is she good arm-candy? Is she just someone cool to hang and talk with? Don't forget why she's a placeholder to you -- she's filling the void of your ex-girlfriend, until you meet someone that's worth your full romantic future (aka your next legit girlfriend)

The sticky part about dating placeholders is you can easily come off as a douche bag .....and let's be honest, you pretty much are. But that's why its necessary to never verbally express your interest in her .....because you're not. She's already giving you what you need. You don't love her, so never say it. Now isn't the time to express your feelings.

Now is the time to have fun and f*ck around a bit. Got it?!

Cheers.

(Make-Out) Song Of The Week - "Edge Of Desire" by John Mayer

Say what you will about John Mayer. You can't, however, deny the sexual aroma that "Edge Of Desire" has, only equivalent to spraying an entire FeBreze bottle all over your apartment ...seriously, I've tried. This song can quite possibly produce the best make-out session you've ever had. It's seductive and dirty all at the same time. It's also vulnerable yet assuring. It can have you fall in love with whoever you lock lips with, even if that female is nowhere close to your heart (and possibly closer to another organ (you whore!)).

Mayer's tunes are usually great for melancholy moods and lonely wine drinking (hey! who said I do that?), but if anyone knows how to get a girl's lips wet (....you're a creep for misinterpreting that), then this track should compliment the room nicely.

My Parents Are Cooler Than Me!

It's Friday night. My mom is getting dressed, getting ready for her date, while humming the Mike Posner song; "It's probably because you think you're cooler than me...". I'm in a t-shirt and boxer shorts, eating an Apple with a knife; carelessly carving off slices like Crocodile Dundee. Suddenly, it dawns on me .....my mom has a more enjoyable social life than I do. Holy crap.

It's not that I don't have the option to go out on a weekend evening. Maybe I'm jaded? When I play a potential night-out in my head, it proceeds as such: Go out with friends, have a few drinks, talk to tacky girls who are of no interest in me, get home late, and fall asleep to Craig Ferguson on my DVR. It's the feeling of an unsatisfactory chain of events. Ironically, whenever I'm in a relationship, anything we do always turns out to be so goddamn fulfilling! Even laying in bed, watching movie with a mate, is more entertaining than standing in a crowded bar while loud thumps of shitty pop music causing damage to my ear drums.

This leads me to conclude that all of my friends, who say they love going out and partying are either: 1) Lying, or 2) "Going through a phase" ...because anyone who says they love being single has either been put through the rinse-cycle too many times in the relationship department, or they've gotten so used to their way of life that loneliness and empty sex has become their norm.

My mom goes out because she spent far too many years under the oppression of my father. This makes me optimistic for my romantic future, because if she can truly live her life again, so can I. But this doesn't mean I'll find it sitting at a bar-stool.

How Many People Have You Slept With? Why Does It Matter?

The Number -- One way or another, you'll be asked how many people you've slept with. But why does it matter to some people and what does it say about you? If girls sleep with a bunch of guys, they're considered sluts ...but why? To me, I see a deeper issue here. When a female has a high number of guys she's slept with, I start to question her emotional (in)stability. I think this is also is true for guys. Guys are stereo-typically not in touch with their emotions, yet many males I know are quite the opposite of what they're expected to be. On the other hand, girls seem to be evolving into what men used to be - less emotion and "casual" is no big deal.

Today, it's not uncommon for a female, in her early 20's, to have slept with 10-20 guys. This could either mean she's emotionally damaged and needs to force intimacy in order to boost her own self-esteem. Or it could also mean that a modern female is more in-tuned to her own sexual desires. And since women can get casual sex way easier than men can (don't try to dispute or challenge that proven theory), they might be secure enough to take advantage of those sexual opportunities.

But as a person's number continues to grow, I begin to wonder how they'd manage a one-on-one relationship. Would they get bored? Or would they be satisfied enough from their retired single-hood that they're ready for monogamy, more so than someone who has had significantly less partners. There are also those people who bounce around from one relationship to the next (aka "relationship hoppers"), which is transparently unhealthy and co-dependent.

So, what does this all mean? Are we becoming a culture who views sex as leisure fun? And if so, does this make a monogamous future difficult or easier to maintain? It seems many couples get divorced because they want to be free and explore their suppressed sexuality. I try not to judge a girl on her number but the truth is, my own insecurities and masculinity still comes into play on a subconscious level ...I wish I could change that! Sometimes I think sleeping with a bunch of females would help me feel better, but it never does. It wears off.

So the question still remains: is it in our blood to be promiscuous or are we having a lot of casual sex to combat a deeper issue?

(A response from guest writer, Spyro - 12/5/11)
Evolutionary biology suggests that men are hard-wired for promiscuity, and women for choosiness (see here:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_selection). But the standards by which we judge sexual behavior may be based on a set of presumptions that were either false from the start or are artifacts from a much earlier period of human existence. For example, the notion that men think much more frequently about sex than do women seems to be false (see here: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2011/11/28/do_men_really_think_about_sex_more_often_than_women_.html). My guess is that this piece of hearsay probably reflects more about each sex's stereotype of the other than about reality. The 20th century emancipation of women from subservience simply allowed the not-so-insignificant female sexuality to come to the forefront. Moreover, the concurrent destigmatization of sexual desire let humanity acknowledge what it has known to be true all along: humans are pleasure-seekers, and will always enthusiastically seek a good romp.

Dating Etiquette 101: Courtesy Counts!

While living in a modern, self-centered, narcissistic world, we sometimes forget the manors our parents taught us when we were tots .....or if you're part of the growing trend of being raised by crappy, neglectful parents, then you have no manors and you're the spawn of low class assh*les.

But hey, don't worry! That's why we're here to teach you little courteous gestures that can go a long way with a woman. Follow these simple steps:

Let her suggest the activity.
Forget what those macho, chauvinistic men say. When making plans to go on a date, ask her what she'd like to do and where she'd like to do. It's completely fine to add your input but do it together. This isn't a dictatorship. Ask what she'd like to do first and build upon her idea. She shouldn't need to be at your pleasurable mercy.

Greet her at her door.
There's no need to honk your obnoxious horn from the street. Taking those few measly steps to ring her doorbell will show her you put that tiny extra bit of effort to make her special.

Open the car door for her.
It's okay to be a little old fashion. You're taking her out on a date. She isn't your buddy that you go bar-hopping with. If you already greeted her at her door, this should be a fairly easy step since you're both walking to the same vehicle!

Open the door for her when you enter the date-activity.
Whether it be a restaurant, bar, movie theater, or blood donation center; if you don't open the door for your date, you should probably take her back home and apologize for wasting her time.

Pull out her chair before she sits.
Again, an oldie but a goodie. She really won't expect this one (isn't that sad?) but I bet she'll be quite impressed by your gentleman-like nature.


Offer to pay but DO NOT insist.
Today's modern woman varies. Some like traditionalism. Others are widely offended by the antique notion. There's no reason you can't offer to pay ....you should, especially if you asked her out. However, if she seems firm about splitting the bill (or paying) then don't put up a fight. This can be tricky because you may think she's trying to call your bluff. And sometimes, she is. But feel it out. Feel her out. That's why you're sitting down to dinner and/or drinks ....to get more acquainted with who she is. Movies take less time but this might be a good opportunity to order your tickets online. It's thoughtful and there's no room for debate.

Don't make it a one-time thing!
Follow these simple steps of simple detail and you will easily raise your chances of getting another date. Just don't forget -- make courtesy a habit! You have to keep the kindness going, even after you get into a relationship. Integrate courteousness into your attributes. Not just for a woman, but in society. They go a long way....and maybe your potential, future relationship will too.

Cheating: Can A Relationship Survive?

Many people deal with the problems of unfaithful partners. There is not much to say about it except that it's wrong. If you make an agreement with somebody (especially one involving real emotional attachment) keep it. Keep your pants on and be honest! If you aren't happy about your relationship, talk about it or leave. DO NOT LIE.

That being said, once a partner has cheated there are still a lot of issues to deal with. Just breaking up isn't always so easy. Sometimes people want to stay together even through hard times. Unfortunately for most people, once trust is lost it is not easily regained.

This loss of trust leads to suspicion, jealousy, arguments, and often the "break-up-make-up" routine. This happens because both people still want to be together even though one (or both) of them cannot get over the past. Getting over a betrayal is very difficult, especially if it comes from someone who you really care about. This is the time to ask yourself an important question. "Can I forgive them?" Put all the reasons, anger, and intricacies of the problem away and ask yourself that one simple question. If the answer is yes, then you have something to work with. However, if the answer is no, then it is time to part ways. What happens often is the answer turns out to be "I don't know." Take some time, and think it over. Just don't put it aside and pretend that there isn't a problem. Those feelings won't go away unless you acknowledge them. No relationship works without trust, and no relationship works with grudges.

A moral for all involved:

Before you break a promise, evaluate how important that relationship is to you. If it isn't important enough to keep, don't be in the relationship.

If you broke a promise and are now regretting it, make your intentions clear. It is going to take hard work and time to get that trust back.

If you're trust was broken, take some time to think it over. If you can find it in you to forgive that person, there may be hope to restore you relationship. If you can't, don't waste your time (or theirs) trifling over problems that you won't ever fix. It is time to move on and heal.

Relationship “Breaks”: Personal Space or a Graceful End?

Not too long ago, I wrote an article on the importance of having personal hobbies/interests in a relationship that you can do without your significant other. These are necessary so that one of you doesn’t begin to feel smothered or held back in any way. If it reaches that point, a relationship “break” is most likely going to cross one of your minds.

From my personal experience and stories I’ve read/heard, “breaks” rarely work out as just that. Whether it’s because one of you crossed a line while you two were apart, or one of you realized you are happier/ don’t miss the other, it usually brings more problems than solutions. Even if you do work things out and decide to try again, you will most likely feel like something is just… isn’t right. This is especially true if one of you spent some time with a new person on an intimate level. 

If you are the one initiating the break, make sure it’s what you really want and understand potential consequences before you have the talk. For most, hearing those words “let’s take a break,” could mean “let’s see other people” and potentially backfire on the little bit of space you may have wanted. Maybe just a few days away from them will make you feel different instead of going the extreme and possibly ruining the relationship. Regardless if you are initiating it or not, make sure rules are set as to what is OK and what isn’t so as to avoid making things more problematic. If rules don’t sound like something you want during this break then call it what it is, a break up. Don’t be misleading and give your once significant other false hope in getting back together, or leave them thinking that you are going to be taking personal time when you are planning on going on dates. The best thing you can do is be honest, no matter how difficult it may be.

Microbreweries: The Next Great Date Spot?

Beer is no longer the desired piss-colored/flavored moonshine of shlubby men ....well, it still is, but if you haven't taken notice to the new wave of independent microbreweries sweeping the nation, then you must be a lonely bachelor who drinks 2fers at Applebees (no hatin'). Beer has developed a new sense of sophistication through these microbreweries and as a result, appeals to people of all varieties.

Finding a good place to have wine and a conversation has become pricey and rare. For us working class stiffs, we want to take a lady somewhere that says; "I'm cultured enough to not suggest a corporate establishment and possibly introduce you somewhere new ....because hey, I'm new to you and this is my subtle way of making a good impression."

Microbreweries are viewed with high regard for their creative beers, festive atmosphere, and individualistic charm. By taking your date to one, the same appeal may easily rub off on her perception of you. You're creative, festive, and an individual, right?!

A popular drink this time of year is the Pumpkin Spice Ale, with a cinnamon coated rim. Gents and dames alike find it satisfying, as it's not the kind of drink that suggests intoxication will ensue but rather: great taste + warm setting + nice conversation = a successful date.

Just like trying a new glass of Merlot, trying out a new craft beer may also result in a fun, adventurous experience .....just like your overall date has the potential to do.

Are you understanding the correlation I'm trying to make? Good. Then you've learned something.

Cheers!

Jealousy: The Delicate Balance

Whether you’re just starting a new relationship or you are several months in and taking things serious, odds are your lover has some friends of the opposite sex. We’ve all read, heard, or personally experienced these situations and whether jealousy is justified about these friends. It’s important to voice these concerns with your lover and understand their relationship with them. These could be friends they’ve had for several years and never had any deeper feelings for them, while you are becoming increasingly concerned and jealous when they hang out together.

While communication is necessary for you to understand their friendship and not to worry, it is also crucial to remember the conversation the next time they meet up and not bombard them with questions when they get home. Lack of trust becomes extremely irritating and can cost you the relationship. Its ok to be jealous at times, it shows you care for the person and are protective of them, but only in small doses is it cute and, to be blunt, acceptable.

Does this concern stem from a past relationship you had? Tough. Remember that everyone is different and whatever was done to you by your last boyfriend or girlfriend has no bearing in this new relationship. Just because he or she may have betrayed your trust, does not mean your new mate will do the same. They are different people with different opinions, which after an experience like that you need, right? Just remember, jealousy can be nice to show you care, but too much will cripple the relationship causing you to lose that thing you were so desperately trying to protect.

Long-Term Relationships: How To Survive

Relationships can be great. They can be interesting, exciting, full of new experiences, and the realizations of new points of view. They can also be painful, irritating, stressful, and terribly boring. Realistically, a relationship will at some point incite all, or most, of these feelings. The question remains. Why can something that excites a person at one stage in a relationship irritate them in another?

Let's first look at the budding relationship. Getting to know somebody romantically for the first time can be very exciting. Your brain is active and curious. It is almost like being a child again, when everything in the world seemed new and interesting. Even things that you didn't have respect for previously seem to make more sense when they come from the mind of somebody you admire. You may want to hear what they have to say because you are interested, and you don't know what to expect from them. However, during this time, people gain a lot of expectations of each other.

After a while, like any parent, supervisor, or teacher; we want consistency. At the same time, our partners may want change. When our expectations are proven false, it is easy to become irritated, and penalize someone who we care about. Remember that you're relationship is not your job and, more importantly, there is no boss.

The same problem can occur from the other end. If you're looking for change and excitement, and you're partner likes to do the same thing every Friday night, you may find yourself very unhappy. Again, remember that you are not the boss. If you want to do something different this weekend, let your partner know in advance so you can discuss it. Don't just spring it up at the last minute. Compromising is the best way to get around this problem. I am sure that anybody reading this knows that if one person in the relationship isn't happy in a certain surrounding, neither of them are.

Just to recap: the most exciting part of a relationship is usually the beginning. One reason for this is because the two involved are learning about each other and they don't know what to EXPECT. So, if you're looking for that extra excitement in you're relationship, you don't need to stretch too far. If you are having trouble relating to you're partner's new interests, you might not have to try so hard. Maybe, all you need is to lessen your expectations. I say "lessen" and not "lower" because you should never have low expectations of someone you love. Have less of them. Leave the past behind and treat every moment like a new one.

There is a Japanese saying: "Ichi go ichi e" Literally, it translates to "One opportunity, one encounter." It is used to remind people that every situation is a unique one, with a unique solution, or that every moment only happens once in a lifetime.

The cheesy moral of this post: If you love your partner, love them all the time. Love them today the same way you loved them when you first met, with wonder and respect. Respect your differences, and respect their habits.

Dating Etiquette 101: Manage Your Drinking

If you’ve managed to maintain a good conversation and have also managed your alcohol intake, you’re in good standing for another evening out with this enjoyable female. However, the biggest mistake you can make is having one too many Vodka Tonics. An even bigger mistake you can make is feeding your date too many glasses of wine …..or Vodka Tonics. Why the hell are you even drinking Vodka Tonics on your first date anyway?

If this female is someone you’re interested in furthering a near future with, it might be wise to ease up on pouring booze down your gullet, as well as your date’s. We all know social drinking helps shed some of the nervousness and awkwardness of a first date. It loosens the mood to make room for easier flowing conversation. Yet, “moderation” is your key word to success if you don’t want to transform into a sloppy, rambling fool. Too many drinks and you could potentially accentuate tiny flaws you may have not wanted to present so early on ….or you’re telling your date that you’re a problem drinker. Either one works.

It’s also important NOT to supply your date with too many drinks. Men tend to handle their alcohol better than women. There's physical proof. If you don’t believe this, then you’re one of those guys who enjoy getting their dates drunk in order to sleep with them ASAP. This would classify you as a D-bag. If your date enjoys drinking a little too much, she’s either nervous or she-herself could be a problem drinker …..in which case, you really know how to pick ‘em!

Tips:
 

1. Keep the drinking light. Know your limit. Analyze her limit. Don’t encourage her to drink more if she isn’t showing a desire to do so.
2.  Keep the conversation moving. Ask questions and be genuinely interested in what she’s saying. If she is someone you possibly see a future with, then conversation should flow naturally.

      3. If you’re not feeling it, definitely do not drink more in order to enjoy her company. You’re doing your date a disservice and you’re prolonging an early exit, if you’re too tipsy to drive.