Appeciate Your Relationship While You Still Have It!

Maybe many relationships end prematurely are due to a lack of appreciation for what you have. We all know "the grass is greener" theory and for the most part, it is not a theory. It's true. Too many of us end relationships before they've had time to develop or we end up straying because we don't realize the gold in our hands. Of course we don't see that gold until it has washed away.

I've been single for almost a year now and I didn't ask to be single. But when I was in the relationship (and happy), I remember telling myself to remember these warm moments because some day, I may not have it always. I'm glad I cherished those moments and I don't say this because I'm longing for her again. It's important to remember what makes our hearts feel most alive because those moments are such rarities for many of us. And when we don't take a second to value the relationship, it can easily disappear with the tide.

I'm glad I remember those memories because it saves me from not having to be a complete whore. It made me appreciate romance and substance. Those quickies don't mean shit once you've tasted love. And all of those females that come in-and-out of your life, faster than your digestive system, mean something too. It makes you appreciate the very, very few females who made your heart feel real .....and all the others seem so disposable.

 In other words, take more mental pictures.

Pity Dates: Accept or Decline?

It's a Saturday night and your evening's options are low. Suddenly, you get a text message from a female that you're sort of into. She's cute and somewhat enjoyable, but more importantly -- she's available and wants to see you. You're not totally into her, or maybe you're not feeling whatsoever. But hey, that doesn't matter tonight. She's down to hang out and she's female company, so you an use her as practice.

Now, you can either think of her as an easy hook-up or just some chick to kick it with. The good thing about pity dates is you don't have to put too much effort into the evening. Most likely, she's already into you so you can  probably make shit happen without the need for alcohol (it's up to you though -- whether you it more than her).

Most of the time, you should try to conduct this date at either her place or yours. You're not trying to take her around town and spend a ton of money, so its important to remain economical to keep your loses down. Also, if you're only looking for physical pleasure, just cut to the chase. Spend some time inside, watch a movie, and let her cuddle on you. If it goes somewhere, that's great! If it doesn't, you didn't lose much for an evening that would've been spent alone in bed anyway.

I say accept it. She'll make for good dating practice.

The Art of "Hooking Up" at House Parties

Whichever your reason is for finding a little action, house parties & get-togethers seem to be a great spot for gettin' some. But why? Social engagements at someone's household presents a more-relaxed environment, free alcohol, comfortable seating, mutual friends (which means- easier introductions), and for god sakes -- it's a home, where most sexual activity takes place (i.e. in bedrooms)!

If you're not a typical Johnny Playboy, who can go up to females in loud, crowded bars/clubs, and strike up a conversation (aka screaming match) until you're able to get her number or creepily go home with her -- don't worry! House parties provide the same materials, except you're already inside a house (get it?).

Striking up a conversation with a female feels easier at a house party because you're (usually) surrounded by mutual friends. This means you have a better shot at striking up a conversation with someone because your friend is there to vouch for you. If you're not looking to get your socks rocked, at least you have a decent shot at getting a female's number.

Let's Get Physical:
If you are looking for some tonsil hockey (or more), doing so in someone's home seems quite easier. There are a few things to consider:

1) Alcohol consumption of you and your target female - This depends on how big of a douche you are).

2) The other guests - Make sure you don't come off as a creep. If you're feeling good vibes, let it happen. She's not your public Playdough).
3) Waiting it out - You may have to wait till toward the end of the party. You're not going to just pull her into an empty bedroom and go at it ....well, unless she's down for that.
4) Consider a car - If she's all over you and is figuratively spelling out that she "wants a piece", suggest to her how you have a new album of some artist she likes and go have a listen in your vehicle. Believe it or not, it works sometimes.

If these steps haven't made me seem like a total tool yet, I hope you learn how to spot douchy guy at the next party you go to. If anything, maybe you'll be her saviour and then you'll get some unexpected action.

How Many People Have You Slept With? Why Does It Matter?

The Number -- One way or another, you'll be asked how many people you've slept with. But why does it matter to some people and what does it say about you? If girls sleep with a bunch of guys, they're considered sluts ...but why? To me, I see a deeper issue here. When a female has a high number of guys she's slept with, I start to question her emotional (in)stability. I think this is also is true for guys. Guys are stereo-typically not in touch with their emotions, yet many males I know are quite the opposite of what they're expected to be. On the other hand, girls seem to be evolving into what men used to be - less emotion and "casual" is no big deal.

Today, it's not uncommon for a female, in her early 20's, to have slept with 10-20 guys. This could either mean she's emotionally damaged and needs to force intimacy in order to boost her own self-esteem. Or it could also mean that a modern female is more in-tuned to her own sexual desires. And since women can get casual sex way easier than men can (don't try to dispute or challenge that proven theory), they might be secure enough to take advantage of those sexual opportunities.

But as a person's number continues to grow, I begin to wonder how they'd manage a one-on-one relationship. Would they get bored? Or would they be satisfied enough from their retired single-hood that they're ready for monogamy, more so than someone who has had significantly less partners. There are also those people who bounce around from one relationship to the next (aka "relationship hoppers"), which is transparently unhealthy and co-dependent.

So, what does this all mean? Are we becoming a culture who views sex as leisure fun? And if so, does this make a monogamous future difficult or easier to maintain? It seems many couples get divorced because they want to be free and explore their suppressed sexuality. I try not to judge a girl on her number but the truth is, my own insecurities and masculinity still comes into play on a subconscious level ...I wish I could change that! Sometimes I think sleeping with a bunch of females would help me feel better, but it never does. It wears off.

So the question still remains: is it in our blood to be promiscuous or are we having a lot of casual sex to combat a deeper issue?

(A response from guest writer, Spyro - 12/5/11)
Evolutionary biology suggests that men are hard-wired for promiscuity, and women for choosiness (see here:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_selection). But the standards by which we judge sexual behavior may be based on a set of presumptions that were either false from the start or are artifacts from a much earlier period of human existence. For example, the notion that men think much more frequently about sex than do women seems to be false (see here: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2011/11/28/do_men_really_think_about_sex_more_often_than_women_.html). My guess is that this piece of hearsay probably reflects more about each sex's stereotype of the other than about reality. The 20th century emancipation of women from subservience simply allowed the not-so-insignificant female sexuality to come to the forefront. Moreover, the concurrent destigmatization of sexual desire let humanity acknowledge what it has known to be true all along: humans are pleasure-seekers, and will always enthusiastically seek a good romp.