Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Dating Etiquette 101: Courtesy Counts!

While living in a modern, self-centered, narcissistic world, we sometimes forget the manors our parents taught us when we were tots .....or if you're part of the growing trend of being raised by crappy, neglectful parents, then you have no manors and you're the spawn of low class assh*les.

But hey, don't worry! That's why we're here to teach you little courteous gestures that can go a long way with a woman. Follow these simple steps:

Let her suggest the activity.
Forget what those macho, chauvinistic men say. When making plans to go on a date, ask her what she'd like to do and where she'd like to do. It's completely fine to add your input but do it together. This isn't a dictatorship. Ask what she'd like to do first and build upon her idea. She shouldn't need to be at your pleasurable mercy.

Greet her at her door.
There's no need to honk your obnoxious horn from the street. Taking those few measly steps to ring her doorbell will show her you put that tiny extra bit of effort to make her special.

Open the car door for her.
It's okay to be a little old fashion. You're taking her out on a date. She isn't your buddy that you go bar-hopping with. If you already greeted her at her door, this should be a fairly easy step since you're both walking to the same vehicle!

Open the door for her when you enter the date-activity.
Whether it be a restaurant, bar, movie theater, or blood donation center; if you don't open the door for your date, you should probably take her back home and apologize for wasting her time.

Pull out her chair before she sits.
Again, an oldie but a goodie. She really won't expect this one (isn't that sad?) but I bet she'll be quite impressed by your gentleman-like nature.


Offer to pay but DO NOT insist.
Today's modern woman varies. Some like traditionalism. Others are widely offended by the antique notion. There's no reason you can't offer to pay ....you should, especially if you asked her out. However, if she seems firm about splitting the bill (or paying) then don't put up a fight. This can be tricky because you may think she's trying to call your bluff. And sometimes, she is. But feel it out. Feel her out. That's why you're sitting down to dinner and/or drinks ....to get more acquainted with who she is. Movies take less time but this might be a good opportunity to order your tickets online. It's thoughtful and there's no room for debate.

Don't make it a one-time thing!
Follow these simple steps of simple detail and you will easily raise your chances of getting another date. Just don't forget -- make courtesy a habit! You have to keep the kindness going, even after you get into a relationship. Integrate courteousness into your attributes. Not just for a woman, but in society. They go a long way....and maybe your potential, future relationship will too.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Why Do The Holidays Make Us Feel Romantically Lonely?

The holiday season can be as delightful and plentiful as you want to make it. They can also be awesomely lonely and dreary. But why is this? Perhaps because these American, Hallmark traditions are marketed to us as times for "excessiveness". Crowding yourself around family and friends, eating more food than doctor-recommended, and exchanging many gifts that are mostly of little necessity. And then after it's all over, we celebrate by drinking too much, in order to welcome a new year of making the same mistakes?

Don't get me wrong -- I am no Scrooge. I have fond memories of previous holiday seasons and have been fortunate enough to always have lovely people to share it with. However, this is my first holiday season post-break-up so this unabridged feeling of loneliness is luring here and there. I know that future holiday seasons won't always be like this but maybe its because I know that having an inconsistency of romance is unavoidable ....because life happens.

("You've Got Mail")
The best I can do is try to get through this winter with as little emotion as I can. Sure, I'll put a smile on my mug and play the part of a cheerful chap, in order to please everyone. But at the end of the day, the holidays seem very hollow and faux to me. I don't know. I probably sound like a jaded 20'something right now. I'm going to pop in "You've Got Mail" and have a glass of wine. God, I f*cking love that movie!

Monday, November 21, 2011

(Make-Out) Song Of The Week - "The Zone" by The Weeknd feat. Drake

Looking to set the mood right? "The Zone" is a dark, ominous, ambient, and alluring track that compliments the perfect make-out session. Dim those lights, Febreeze your apartment, and hit the "Replay" button because the song's length is 7 minutes long, and it's worth the repetition. The Weeknd's sexy, emotional vocal chords makes even myself tingle, and Drake finishes off the track with a subtle, aggressive dominance.


Download The Weeknd's 2nd album/mixtape, Thursday, for free -- CLICK HERE

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Online Flirting While in a Relationship

I apologize in advance if I’m too direct in this article but I have a very firm opinion on this subject. Regardless if the flirting is done online or in person, it is wrong. It may seem harmless because there is a computer distancing you from this other person, but the fact remains that you are dedicating time and to a degree fantasizing about this other person. Flirting does not have to be done in person for it to inspire arousal and doing it online can certainly lead to more involved situations as well. Consider how you would feel if your significant other was to do the same, does it bother you? Odds are it certainly will. If it doesn’t, then you might want to re evaluate your relationship because there might be a serious issue. 


If your partner engaged in some online flirting, you need to talk about it and express all of your concerns and feelings about it. Don’t just keep it bottled up because it will only create more problems down the road. It’s similar to getting a pebble stuck in your shoe. It may not bother you right away, but it won’t go away and when combined with others it causes a bigger problem.

Online flirting has increased significantly over the years as a reason for divorce. To me, and I’m sure I’m not alone when I say this, there is no difference whether it’s online or not. It is wrong, and has the potential to seriously hurt. To you it may just be a little harmless fun, but your “significant” other will feel betrayed and the person you are flirting with will also feel deceived. Talk about killing two birds with one stone.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Single Women at Weddings - Age Matters

Hooray! Wedding season is finally over for the year! Now I can hang my 1 makeshift suit back in the closet and remove the word "Open Bar" from my vernacular. I've come to the conclusion that the amount of single females depends on the age of the bride. The older the couple getting married (30s, 40s) -- the more locked-down couples there are -- which means the more lonely you feel. But if the couple is in their 20s, the more of a shot you have at meeting single girls.

In today's society, people barely get married in their 20s anymore. Out of the 6 weddings I was invited to this Fall, only 2 ceremonial couples were 20'something.The rest were in their 30s and 40s. Why is this? The trending story I continue to hear is; "I had A LOT of fun in my 20s but once I hit my 30s, I decided to cool down." .....Okay, I get it. Nobody wants to be tied down, especially in their wild youth. But are we having too much fun? Perhaps, are we creating too much baggage? Or is it healthier to wait awhile before we settle down?

This may sound grim but I'm curious to see which (out of the 6) couples will file for divorce. Considering the national statistics, it's bound to happen, right? This past weekend, my great aunt said something funny; "Everyone should get married twice. The first one is a practice run." It makes me wonder if, at a certain age, we want to be married and reproduce so badly, more than we want to find "that special someone". Some of you may have met that person in your 20s but you let them slip away because you weren't ready to settle down. Others needed time to date the  'wrong ones'.

I'll admit this -- out of all of these wedding ceremonies I've witnessed, I did get emotional at a couple of them. Going through all of this trouble to get married must mean something -- preparation, planning, financing, inviting guests, and months of anticipation. Why do we do it? Some do it for ego and display ....but I think most do it for love......real, genuine love....

and that's sweet....

Bumping Into Your Ex: How Do You Act?

Let's be honest ....it's never a comfortable situation when you either, coincidentally bump into your ex or know in advance that you'll have to see her at a social function. Part of you wants to see her just to subconsciously show her how well you're doing (aka "look at the prize you dumped!") and the other part of you wants to avoid her completely. Unfortunately, if you have mutual friends, the inevitability of seeing her again is likely. However, you can handle it the correct way and keep moving forward.

If you are forced to engage in conversation with her, remember to keep it brief. She doesn't deserve your time and hopefully, there are other surrounding friends to chat with other than her. Also, don't completely ignore her. It's childish and shows you're still affected by her. Don't be overly friendly either. All she deserves is a friendly wave from across the bar. Nothing more than that. Don't forget -- she isn't in your life anymore, so why would she need anything more than a wave?

Don't overcompensate. Don't try too hard to flirt with girls you see just for the sake of developing jealously. Most likely, she doesn't care anyway. If she shows up with a new guy, don't show any sign of emotion. She's in the past. Whoever she dates is none of your business. If she's already in the past, there's somewhere else better out there for you .......you probably hear that a lot but it's true.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Cheating: Can A Relationship Survive?

Many people deal with the problems of unfaithful partners. There is not much to say about it except that it's wrong. If you make an agreement with somebody (especially one involving real emotional attachment) keep it. Keep your pants on and be honest! If you aren't happy about your relationship, talk about it or leave. DO NOT LIE.

That being said, once a partner has cheated there are still a lot of issues to deal with. Just breaking up isn't always so easy. Sometimes people want to stay together even through hard times. Unfortunately for most people, once trust is lost it is not easily regained.

This loss of trust leads to suspicion, jealousy, arguments, and often the "break-up-make-up" routine. This happens because both people still want to be together even though one (or both) of them cannot get over the past. Getting over a betrayal is very difficult, especially if it comes from someone who you really care about. This is the time to ask yourself an important question. "Can I forgive them?" Put all the reasons, anger, and intricacies of the problem away and ask yourself that one simple question. If the answer is yes, then you have something to work with. However, if the answer is no, then it is time to part ways. What happens often is the answer turns out to be "I don't know." Take some time, and think it over. Just don't put it aside and pretend that there isn't a problem. Those feelings won't go away unless you acknowledge them. No relationship works without trust, and no relationship works with grudges.


A moral for all involved:

Before you break a promise, evaluate how important that relationship is to you. If it isn't important enough to keep, don't be in the relationship.

If you broke a promise and are now regretting it, make your intentions clear. It is going to take hard work and time to get that trust back.

If you're trust was broken, take some time to think it over. If you can find it in you to forgive that person, there may be hope to restore you relationship. If you can't, don't waste your time (or theirs) trifling over problems that you won't ever fix. It is time to move on and heal.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Relationship “Breaks”: Personal Space or a Graceful End?

Not too long ago, I wrote an article on the importance of having personal hobbies/interests in a relationship that you can do without your significant other. These are necessary so that one of you doesn’t begin to feel smothered or held back in any way. If it reaches that point, a relationship “break” is most likely going to cross one of your minds.

From my personal experience and stories I’ve read/heard, “breaks” rarely work out as just that. Whether it’s because one of you crossed a line while you two were apart, or one of you realized you are happier/ don’t miss the other, it usually brings more problems than solutions. Even if you do work things out and decide to try again, you will most likely feel like something is just… isn’t right. This is especially true if one of you spent some time with a new person on an intimate level. 

If you are the one initiating the break, make sure it’s what you really want and understand potential consequences before you have the talk. For most, hearing those words “let’s take a break,” could mean “let’s see other people” and potentially backfire on the little bit of space you may have wanted. Maybe just a few days away from them will make you feel different instead of going the extreme and possibly ruining the relationship. Regardless if you are initiating it or not, make sure rules are set as to what is OK and what isn’t so as to avoid making things more problematic. If rules don’t sound like something you want during this break then call it what it is, a break up. Don’t be misleading and give your once significant other false hope in getting back together, or leave them thinking that you are going to be taking personal time when you are planning on going on dates. The best thing you can do is be honest, no matter how difficult it may be.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Interview - Chef, Tony Kang Discusses Dating Delicacies


Chef, Tony Kang has worked in some of New York's toughest kitchens. His wise-ass, humorous, and abrasive personality plays into his charm, which you will soon see in 2012 as he will be featured on a "major cooking competition show" on a "major TV network" (as you can tell, we can't announce it yet). We asked Tony to put the knife down for a few minutes to answer some questions how essential food is to a date. Check them out:

TMMP: What's your favorite meal to cook for a woman?
Tony: I'm a spontaneous cook, so I like to cook whatever hints I get from the ladies.  If I played my cards right, I would also have to cook breakfast (wink, wink).

TMMP: What's your "go to" 1st date restaurant?
Tony: Absolute must, not just for me, but for all guys looking to impress a girl you'll really like Gotham Bar and Grill in Greenwich Village.

TMMP: Why do women love a man who can cook?
Tony: They get to see us do something that's primal, raw, and a skill that takes passion.  They can tell how passionate a man can be by the way he works with food and the ingredients.

TMMP: If you could cook for any celebrity female, in hopes of "wooing" her, who would it be and what would you cook?
Tony: I love Mila Kunis.  I have a soft spot for her exotic beauty and her down-to-earth humor.  I would make her something filling and luscious so she'd get into the lazy "let's sit on the couch and bum around" mood. That dish would be Braised Shortribs, Morel Mushrooms, Polenta and Butter Poached Lobster Tail.

TMMP: If you could eat food off of your date's body, which delicacy would you cover your date's body in?
Tony: Oysters and Uni. That's sexy as hell.

(Photo Credit: Charles Eames)
TMMP: What's the best meal for post-love-making?
Tony: A typical d-bag would say; "A sandwich." But being a modern gentleman I can't be selfish. I would make the both of us a simple dish of Spaghettini with chili, garlic and basil. Refuel with carbs!

TMMP: Are you a good cocktail maker too?
Tony: I dabble but it's not my greatest strength.

TMMP: What's your favorite drink to make for a lady?
Tony: Champagne with Grape Consomme and Strawberry Air. It's a mix of the old school classy and modern gastronomy.

TMMP: If a woman was cooking for you, what would she need to do in order to impress you?
Tony: Nothing. I would be impressed that she's actually cooking for me and I would appreciate the meal.

TMMP: Hottest celebrity chef. Go!...
Tony: Nigella Lawson...Talk about a classy lady.

Write down those tips guys and learn from a master chef.
Thanks Tony!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

The Bar Scene: Not For You? There's Still Hope

If you are like me, then going out to a bar with some friends is usually a good time for you. However, going out to a bar in the hopes of finding romance just doesn't seem to work. Through about 10 minutes of heavy introspection, I have come up with a list of why I can't seem to find interest in any women I've met at bars. I will post it in case any of you out there relate:

1. I am not attracted to drunkenness. Stumbling women who can't speak coherently just don't do it for me. I like good conversation, and I like to be remembered the next day.

2. That "Girls Night Out" look (You know the one with a tight black dress, sparkles, high heels, a ton of make-up, and more hairspray than you'd like to think) does not appeal to me. I understand that you are trying to sell yourself a little. After all, you can't meet someone new if they don't notice you. Yet, something always tells me that the ones who try that hard have more to show than they do to say. Maybe it's a little judgmental of me, or maybe it's just my instinct that if someone is trying that hard to lure me in, they must have alterior motives.

3. I like good conversations. Some bars are good for this. Mostly, those bars are full of middle aged divorcees and burnt out alcoholics. Otherwise, they tend not to be full at all. The bars filled with young single crowds always seem to blast with music. I like to talk a lot more than I like to dance. So, naturally, this is a poor environment to find someone that interests me.

Well, three reasons are all I'm going to pull out right now. So, let's get on with some analysis!

Back when you were in high school, meeting new people was easy. You were around hundreds of people all day and, with loads of free time, meeting friends of friends or going to local hangout spots was more a lifestyle than a choice.

College is a little tougher. With a lot more schoolwork, and most likely a job, there is less time to go out and meet new people. Also, all of your friends stopped hanging out on the street corners and local parks, opting for more secure spots like bars, clubs, homes, apartments, etc. If you are attending a mainly commuter school, meeting new people becomes even more difficult.  

Out in the working world, you have less of a pool to choose from. The need to remain professional with coworkers rules out many people you meet through work. More and more time is consumed by your career, and your friends only go out on certain days and mostly out to bars (which we discussed briefly above) or restaurants (which aren't a great meeting place for singles).

For everyone out there, in college, at work, or both, I have advice. Don't be shy. If you are at the supermarket, cafe, bookstore, library, or just about anywhere and you see somebody interesting, just say "Hello." Well, also say something interesting. You don't want to seem creepy. If you can't think of anything to say, look around. There has to be something that affects both of you that you have an opinion on. After all, you are in the same place!

If you need a more social setting to feel comfortable, there are still options. If you go to college (even a commuter college) there is bound to be some sort of recreation room. You can also join clubs. These are great places to meet new people who you already have something in common with. 

If you are out in the working world, believe it or not, there are places adults go for recreation that don't involve intoxication. Check out local parks, coffee shops, hobby shops, etc.

Now there are two important rules and they are not easy.

1. Don't be shy. You can't meet anyone new without speaking to them.
2. Don't go in with any expectations. Go out to have fun. If you are scouting for a hot lady, she will probably catch on to your motives.
3. When you talk to someone new, say something interesting, spark a conversation, and DON'T just use some corny pick-up line.
4. Be you, be real and don't lose your patience. Meeting someone special can take a long time. Remember, you are important and unique, so finding a compatible partner probably isn't as easy as you would like it to be.

Okay, so that was more than two...

Don't Call me, "Friend Request" Me

So, I was at a wedding last night and surprisingly enough, there were quite a few single females. After a few drinks in, I became a dancing fool/chatty cathy with lots of half-ass conversing and overt flirtatiousness going on. When it came to the point of being asked; "Hey! We should hang out sometime!", what I found most fascinating was, rather than any female jotting down my number, I was asked to type my name into the Facebook app on their iPhone, so they can "Friend Request" me ....this happened with 3 different females over the course of the night, I should point out.

As I reflect on the evening and sip on my morning coffee, I'd like tell myself that I got 3 phone numbers last night .....but I didn't. I definitely know I got something. There were obvious vibes and attractions. But now I'm supposed to do what? Give them my number via Facebook? Why couldn't have I just done that last night, instead of typing my name into their smartphone? 

I'm starting to feel old and obsolete, even though my refusal to give-in to technology is completely by choice. I think I'm the only 20-something I know without a fancy ass phone. Even my mom has one. Call me old-fashioned or stubborn but I don't understand why the concept of dating has to become more complicated. I don't care which mutual friends we have or how many photos you're tagged in. If you do, then you should put your phone down and get some fresh air. 

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Changing Your "Relationship Status" on Facebook: Pressure or Petty Narcissism?

When entering a new relationship, it seems like you're not "official" until you announce it on Facebook so everyone can virtually congratulate you. Getting dumped? When your fresh Ex decides to announce her singlehood, everyone gets to know about it! Not only do they find out, but they get to "LIKE" and comment on it. Talk about fun.....

Has Facebook become a gossip column for nobodies or a crucial step in relationship survival/dismissal? If you don't announce your new romance on your profile, some may consider your love illegitimate. Even your significant other could take offense to the fact you're not broadcasting your love all over the web. Does this add more pressure? Does this sound like petty narcissism? Does it have the potential to f*ck things up? Yes, yes, and yes.

How about getting dumped? After my last long-term relationship, it didn't truly hit me until she changed her status to "Single" the very next day. It was shocking to see how some of her friends were leaving comments of happiness and also seeing other guys waiting to pounce on her like fresh meat in the market. Of course, then I get the pleasure of receiving phone calls and text messages from friends, asking if "I'm okay", when I wasn't ready to tell anyone.

Even engagements are announced on Facebook and measuring your news is determined on how many of your friends "LIKE" it. Why are we letting Facebook become our reality? It used to be an escape from reality .....now reality just seems fake.