Pity Dates: Accept or Decline?

It's a Saturday night and your evening's options are low. Suddenly, you get a text message from a female that you're sort of into. She's cute and somewhat enjoyable, but more importantly -- she's available and wants to see you. You're not totally into her, or maybe you're not feeling whatsoever. But hey, that doesn't matter tonight. She's down to hang out and she's female company, so you an use her as practice.

Now, you can either think of her as an easy hook-up or just some chick to kick it with. The good thing about pity dates is you don't have to put too much effort into the evening. Most likely, she's already into you so you can  probably make shit happen without the need for alcohol (it's up to you though -- whether you it more than her).

Most of the time, you should try to conduct this date at either her place or yours. You're not trying to take her around town and spend a ton of money, so its important to remain economical to keep your loses down. Also, if you're only looking for physical pleasure, just cut to the chase. Spend some time inside, watch a movie, and let her cuddle on you. If it goes somewhere, that's great! If it doesn't, you didn't lose much for an evening that would've been spent alone in bed anyway.

I say accept it. She'll make for good dating practice.

(Make-Out) Song Of The Week - "The Best I Ever Had" by The Swellers

Who said you can't make-out to punk? Nobody, that's who! When you play this track during your sesh, you definitely won't forget the broad that you hooked-up with ....even if she wasn't the best you ever had. However, The Swellers will take you on a thrill ride of lip-locking. It might even bring you from the couch to the bed. Just don't start thinking about old flames and become melancholy. Treat this chick like she will be the best, even though she might not be. Man, I sound like such a sleazy dick.

If this song isn't for you, grow a pair of balls and play some pussy R&B ....or wait for next week's song. Whatever you do, don't get emotional, unless you want to.

A Female Perspective - Fantasy Relationships: Knowing When To Quit!

(By guest female writer, Hanna B)

 At some point or another, all women are guilty of this; creating a "fantasy relationship" out of thin air. This may happen when you’re crushing on that cute guy at work, flirting with the smart guy in your sociology class, or while you’re seeing someone who is clearly not looking for anything serious.

Let’s face it -- we start by spending time with them even though we know they’re not the relationship type. We tell ourselves; “It’s okay if he doesn’t want anything serious. I just want to have a good time. He’s so cute!” We settle for a guy who just wants to mess around, instead of moving on and waiting for the guy who will treat us right. Why do we do this? Because we think we will ultimately change his mind and make him change his rules?

Men don’t change their minds or their rules. When they have made up their mind about something, you better believe they will stick to it. If he’s already pegged you as the “just for fun” type of girl, he won’t see you as anything different. We believe that our good nature, sweet smile, and fun-to-be-around personality will change their minds about a relationship. But the only person that can change his mind is himself.

By letting ourselves get carried away and putting our energy into a guy who is not planning on sticking around, we are selling ourselves short. We deserve a guy who is willing to put in the time and effort that we put in everyday. Stop yourself from trying to "read between the lines". Pay attention to his actions and what he’s really saying. Here are some signs that the guy, you’re seeing, does not want a relationship and it’s time to move on:

1. He tells you he’s "really busy right now" and doesn’t have time for anything serious.
2. He makes excuses for why he hasn’t texted you, called you, or communicated with you at all that day.
3. He usually doesn’t invite you on outings with his friends or family.
4. He is unwilling to show any signs of affection in public. (Some guys are not into PDA, but if he won’t even hold your hand when you're out ...come on!)
5. He wants to stay inside a lot and “cuddle” (aka not cuddling).
6. He has money but seems unwilling to pay for anything; including a dinner, movie ticket, or coffee (Doesn’t have to be much, even a simple coffee will suffice.)

Don’t ignore the signs, and don’t think that because he suddenly did something semi-romantic, such as took you out for dinner, that he has changed his mind about a relationship. Unless he takes action and actually asks you to be exclusive, don’t let yourself get carried away. It’s OK to casually date as long as you know that’s all it is.

If you want something more, don’t settle for less because you deserve to be happy. I recently read a book titled, “Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl” by Sherry Argov. If you always seem to choose the wrong guy, give way too much of yourself (while receiving nothing in return), or just need some woman-empowerment, then I suggest you pick up this book.

(Make-Out) Song Of The Week - "Love, Love, Love (Love, Love)" by As Tall As Lions

This week's song can fit a few different moods, depending on what your intentions are (that didn't sound right). Even though the title enforces a stern topic, the feel of this track is also very lustful. It may be one of the best 'make-out' songs unintentionally created to be. It's passionate yet seductively sexual. I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way. It makes me want to have the sloppiest kissing session ever, which would then lead to ripping each other's' clothes off. At the same time, I want to hold that person and ask her to runaway together ....even if I didn't mean it. This can't be healthy. As Tall As Lions needs to be prescribed with a lower dosage. Ah!

I advise you to only play this song with someone you really like. Otherwise, you may make a dumb mistake due to over-consumption of love, love, love, love, love ......get it?

The Art of "Hooking Up" at House Parties

Whichever your reason is for finding a little action, house parties & get-togethers seem to be a great spot for gettin' some. But why? Social engagements at someone's household presents a more-relaxed environment, free alcohol, comfortable seating, mutual friends (which means- easier introductions), and for god sakes -- it's a home, where most sexual activity takes place (i.e. in bedrooms)!

If you're not a typical Johnny Playboy, who can go up to females in loud, crowded bars/clubs, and strike up a conversation (aka screaming match) until you're able to get her number or creepily go home with her -- don't worry! House parties provide the same materials, except you're already inside a house (get it?).

Striking up a conversation with a female feels easier at a house party because you're (usually) surrounded by mutual friends. This means you have a better shot at striking up a conversation with someone because your friend is there to vouch for you. If you're not looking to get your socks rocked, at least you have a decent shot at getting a female's number.

Let's Get Physical:
If you are looking for some tonsil hockey (or more), doing so in someone's home seems quite easier. There are a few things to consider:

1) Alcohol consumption of you and your target female - This depends on how big of a douche you are).

2) The other guests - Make sure you don't come off as a creep. If you're feeling good vibes, let it happen. She's not your public Playdough).
3) Waiting it out - You may have to wait till toward the end of the party. You're not going to just pull her into an empty bedroom and go at it ....well, unless she's down for that.
4) Consider a car - If she's all over you and is figuratively spelling out that she "wants a piece", suggest to her how you have a new album of some artist she likes and go have a listen in your vehicle. Believe it or not, it works sometimes.

If these steps haven't made me seem like a total tool yet, I hope you learn how to spot douchy guy at the next party you go to. If anything, maybe you'll be her saviour and then you'll get some unexpected action.

(Make-Out) Song Of The Week - "Edge Of Desire" by John Mayer

Say what you will about John Mayer. You can't, however, deny the sexual aroma that "Edge Of Desire" has, only equivalent to spraying an entire FeBreze bottle all over your apartment ...seriously, I've tried. This song can quite possibly produce the best make-out session you've ever had. It's seductive and dirty all at the same time. It's also vulnerable yet assuring. It can have you fall in love with whoever you lock lips with, even if that female is nowhere close to your heart (and possibly closer to another organ (you whore!)).

Mayer's tunes are usually great for melancholy moods and lonely wine drinking (hey! who said I do that?), but if anyone knows how to get a girl's lips wet (....you're a creep for misinterpreting that), then this track should compliment the room nicely.

How Many People Have You Slept With? Why Does It Matter?

The Number -- One way or another, you'll be asked how many people you've slept with. But why does it matter to some people and what does it say about you? If girls sleep with a bunch of guys, they're considered sluts ...but why? To me, I see a deeper issue here. When a female has a high number of guys she's slept with, I start to question her emotional (in)stability. I think this is also is true for guys. Guys are stereo-typically not in touch with their emotions, yet many males I know are quite the opposite of what they're expected to be. On the other hand, girls seem to be evolving into what men used to be - less emotion and "casual" is no big deal.

Today, it's not uncommon for a female, in her early 20's, to have slept with 10-20 guys. This could either mean she's emotionally damaged and needs to force intimacy in order to boost her own self-esteem. Or it could also mean that a modern female is more in-tuned to her own sexual desires. And since women can get casual sex way easier than men can (don't try to dispute or challenge that proven theory), they might be secure enough to take advantage of those sexual opportunities.

But as a person's number continues to grow, I begin to wonder how they'd manage a one-on-one relationship. Would they get bored? Or would they be satisfied enough from their retired single-hood that they're ready for monogamy, more so than someone who has had significantly less partners. There are also those people who bounce around from one relationship to the next (aka "relationship hoppers"), which is transparently unhealthy and co-dependent.

So, what does this all mean? Are we becoming a culture who views sex as leisure fun? And if so, does this make a monogamous future difficult or easier to maintain? It seems many couples get divorced because they want to be free and explore their suppressed sexuality. I try not to judge a girl on her number but the truth is, my own insecurities and masculinity still comes into play on a subconscious level ...I wish I could change that! Sometimes I think sleeping with a bunch of females would help me feel better, but it never does. It wears off.

So the question still remains: is it in our blood to be promiscuous or are we having a lot of casual sex to combat a deeper issue?

(A response from guest writer, Spyro - 12/5/11)
Evolutionary biology suggests that men are hard-wired for promiscuity, and women for choosiness (see here:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_selection). But the standards by which we judge sexual behavior may be based on a set of presumptions that were either false from the start or are artifacts from a much earlier period of human existence. For example, the notion that men think much more frequently about sex than do women seems to be false (see here: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2011/11/28/do_men_really_think_about_sex_more_often_than_women_.html). My guess is that this piece of hearsay probably reflects more about each sex's stereotype of the other than about reality. The 20th century emancipation of women from subservience simply allowed the not-so-insignificant female sexuality to come to the forefront. Moreover, the concurrent destigmatization of sexual desire let humanity acknowledge what it has known to be true all along: humans are pleasure-seekers, and will always enthusiastically seek a good romp.