A Female Perspective - Fantasy Relationships: Knowing When To Quit!

(By guest female writer, Hanna B)

 At some point or another, all women are guilty of this; creating a "fantasy relationship" out of thin air. This may happen when you’re crushing on that cute guy at work, flirting with the smart guy in your sociology class, or while you’re seeing someone who is clearly not looking for anything serious.

Let’s face it -- we start by spending time with them even though we know they’re not the relationship type. We tell ourselves; “It’s okay if he doesn’t want anything serious. I just want to have a good time. He’s so cute!” We settle for a guy who just wants to mess around, instead of moving on and waiting for the guy who will treat us right. Why do we do this? Because we think we will ultimately change his mind and make him change his rules?

Men don’t change their minds or their rules. When they have made up their mind about something, you better believe they will stick to it. If he’s already pegged you as the “just for fun” type of girl, he won’t see you as anything different. We believe that our good nature, sweet smile, and fun-to-be-around personality will change their minds about a relationship. But the only person that can change his mind is himself.

By letting ourselves get carried away and putting our energy into a guy who is not planning on sticking around, we are selling ourselves short. We deserve a guy who is willing to put in the time and effort that we put in everyday. Stop yourself from trying to "read between the lines". Pay attention to his actions and what he’s really saying. Here are some signs that the guy, you’re seeing, does not want a relationship and it’s time to move on:

1. He tells you he’s "really busy right now" and doesn’t have time for anything serious.
2. He makes excuses for why he hasn’t texted you, called you, or communicated with you at all that day.
3. He usually doesn’t invite you on outings with his friends or family.
4. He is unwilling to show any signs of affection in public. (Some guys are not into PDA, but if he won’t even hold your hand when you're out ...come on!)
5. He wants to stay inside a lot and “cuddle” (aka not cuddling).
6. He has money but seems unwilling to pay for anything; including a dinner, movie ticket, or coffee (Doesn’t have to be much, even a simple coffee will suffice.)

Don’t ignore the signs, and don’t think that because he suddenly did something semi-romantic, such as took you out for dinner, that he has changed his mind about a relationship. Unless he takes action and actually asks you to be exclusive, don’t let yourself get carried away. It’s OK to casually date as long as you know that’s all it is.

If you want something more, don’t settle for less because you deserve to be happy. I recently read a book titled, “Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl” by Sherry Argov. If you always seem to choose the wrong guy, give way too much of yourself (while receiving nothing in return), or just need some woman-empowerment, then I suggest you pick up this book.

(Make-Out) Song Of The Week - "Love, Love, Love (Love, Love)" by As Tall As Lions

This week's song can fit a few different moods, depending on what your intentions are (that didn't sound right). Even though the title enforces a stern topic, the feel of this track is also very lustful. It may be one of the best 'make-out' songs unintentionally created to be. It's passionate yet seductively sexual. I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way. It makes me want to have the sloppiest kissing session ever, which would then lead to ripping each other's' clothes off. At the same time, I want to hold that person and ask her to runaway together ....even if I didn't mean it. This can't be healthy. As Tall As Lions needs to be prescribed with a lower dosage. Ah!

I advise you to only play this song with someone you really like. Otherwise, you may make a dumb mistake due to over-consumption of love, love, love, love, love ......get it?

Dating Etiquette 101: New Year's Eve (Special Edition)

Sure, we all have (bullshit) resolutions for 2012 and we say we're going to abide by them. But what are your objectives for the evening in question? What are you looking to accomplish this coming evening?

If you're attending a party and planning on mingling with females, you better bring your A-game. Now is not the time for slobbery, on attire and manors. Do you want to be the douche of the evening or the suave gentleman that wasn't overlooked for your shit-like behavior?

If there's ever a time to dress to impress, now is time to pull out your good threads. Don't worry, you don't have to wear a suit. A collared shirt, and a pair of slacks or form-fitting jeans, will do just fine. Nothing baggy or sloppy. You will feel as confident as whatever you're wearing, so put some fucking effort in! K? Good. (If you still don't understand, see here: Dating Etiquette 101: Effective First Date Attire).

Next is your attitude. Most likely, everyone will be drinking and letting loose on NYE. There's a way to be the life of the party without being a tool. Play it cool and progressively delve into party-mode. Don't unbutton your shirt to "mid-drift status" and walk around with a Champagne bottle in your hand, like you're a rapper from the year 2000. Keep it together, man. Show the best side of yourself. Be charming, humorous, and delightful without being obnoxious and over'compensatory.

Follow this simple advice and you may end up impressing some ladies that you didn't expect would even chat with you. Now is your time for fresh impressions and new beginnings in your dating life.

Dig that and pop some bubbly ....but keep your composure.

Top 5 Romantic Comedies for Modern Males

It's okay to love chick-flicks. We're here to give you our picks for, what we consider, the best ones around for guys (in touch with their sensitive side). Whether you're searching for a great date accompaniment or you prefer hiding this secret interest. Well then! Grab some tissues, pour some wine, and crack open the SunChips!:

#1 - 500 Days of Summer

A (not so) love story of a wise, emotional idealist male who falls for a confused, self-righteous female. It's a sincere roller coaster of heartache, from a true modern-male's view. It goes against everything Beyonce depicts men as, and shows women in a realistic light. Its sad and inspiring at the same time.

#2 - Going The Distance

Two lovers. trying to keep their relationship alive with 3,000 miles of distance in between. Its hysterical and tear-jerking. Believe it or not, I watched this film with 3 of my guy friends and we all shed tears at certain pivotal scenes. The chemistry between Justin Long and Drew Barrymore feels so real ....maybe because they dated in real life. It shows.

#3 - Definitely, Maybe

Quit hating on Ryan Reynolds. In this flick, he actually makes you feel bad for him. Telling his daughter the timeline of his love life, with lots of excitement and heartache in between. Plus, it doesn't hurt that all 3 main actresses, that are all objects of Reynolds' affection at some point, are all beautiful!

#4 - Vicky Cristina Barcelona

This may be the sexiest/wittiest movie ever made. 2 American women spend a summer in Spain. One is lost and promiscuous, 1 is uptight and engaged. Both fall romantically for a man I can only hope I emulate someday. Except Maria Lena makes the situation pretty crazy, which is also a great case study for mental illness. Weird ....but sexy.

#5  - You've Got Mail

Maybe its the chemistry. Maybe its the story. Maybe its the days of America Online. Whatever it is that makes this film so enjoyable, it succeeds, even after all these years. Quite possibly the most underrated romantic comedy out there. It also makes Manhattan look beautiful .....and ironically, makes me want to visit Barns & Noble right now!

Happy watching, laughing, crying, and spanking! :)

(Make-Out) Song Of The Week: "The Christmas Waltz" by She & Him

When you think of Christmas music, I'm sure you don't to yourself; "Boy, I can sure go some sweet, sweet sexin'". And as we all the know, the holidays can tend to bring about serious loneliness if you're not dating anyone. But for argument sake (and my chipper holiday spirit), let's say you're at a Christmas party and you happen to be sipping on that "adult eggnog" a little too much. You strike up a conversation with a female, you sneak a little peck under the mistletoe (yeah, I'm full of corniness), and you take her back to your place to show off how big your tree is (holy crap). You can't put on naughty music because you don't want to be a Christmas Creep (I like that one) but you want something sensual with a hint of romance. I recommend "The Christmas Waltz" by She & Him (aka M. Ward and Zooey Deschanel). It has a vintage, pine-fresh, cozy feel.

Play this song and enjoy soft, sugarplum kisses. Make sure to say her lips taste like candy canes! (no, don't say that). But do have a Merry Christmas! And always stuff that stocking....whatever that means.

Placeholders: The "In-Between" Girlfriends

If you don't know what a placeholder is, to put it simply, they're girls you're not that interested in having a romantic future with but they'll do for the time being. They're glorified seat warmers. They keep you from getting rusty in the dating game. They're typically not someone you're head-over-heels for. Usually lacking something (or many things). They're either decently attractive with a tolerable personality, or pretty hot with a dull personality. In other words, they don't completely fulfill you. But hey! You're lonely and she's willing, so what the hell, right?

It's important to make sure that you don't let a placeholder become too attached. Know your goal and stick to it. Are you doing it for the sex? Is she good arm-candy? Is she just someone cool to hang and talk with? Don't forget why she's a placeholder to you -- she's filling the void of your ex-girlfriend, until you meet someone that's worth your full romantic future (aka your next legit girlfriend)

The sticky part about dating placeholders is you can easily come off as a douche bag .....and let's be honest, you pretty much are. But that's why its necessary to never verbally express your interest in her .....because you're not. She's already giving you what you need. You don't love her, so never say it. Now isn't the time to express your feelings.

Now is the time to have fun and f*ck around a bit. Got it?!

Cheers.

The Art of "Hooking Up" at House Parties

Whichever your reason is for finding a little action, house parties & get-togethers seem to be a great spot for gettin' some. But why? Social engagements at someone's household presents a more-relaxed environment, free alcohol, comfortable seating, mutual friends (which means- easier introductions), and for god sakes -- it's a home, where most sexual activity takes place (i.e. in bedrooms)!

If you're not a typical Johnny Playboy, who can go up to females in loud, crowded bars/clubs, and strike up a conversation (aka screaming match) until you're able to get her number or creepily go home with her -- don't worry! House parties provide the same materials, except you're already inside a house (get it?).

Striking up a conversation with a female feels easier at a house party because you're (usually) surrounded by mutual friends. This means you have a better shot at striking up a conversation with someone because your friend is there to vouch for you. If you're not looking to get your socks rocked, at least you have a decent shot at getting a female's number.

Let's Get Physical:
If you are looking for some tonsil hockey (or more), doing so in someone's home seems quite easier. There are a few things to consider:

1) Alcohol consumption of you and your target female - This depends on how big of a douche you are).

2) The other guests - Make sure you don't come off as a creep. If you're feeling good vibes, let it happen. She's not your public Playdough).
3) Waiting it out - You may have to wait till toward the end of the party. You're not going to just pull her into an empty bedroom and go at it ....well, unless she's down for that.
4) Consider a car - If she's all over you and is figuratively spelling out that she "wants a piece", suggest to her how you have a new album of some artist she likes and go have a listen in your vehicle. Believe it or not, it works sometimes.

If these steps haven't made me seem like a total tool yet, I hope you learn how to spot douchy guy at the next party you go to. If anything, maybe you'll be her saviour and then you'll get some unexpected action.

(Make-Out) Song Of The Week - "Edge Of Desire" by John Mayer

Say what you will about John Mayer. You can't, however, deny the sexual aroma that "Edge Of Desire" has, only equivalent to spraying an entire FeBreze bottle all over your apartment ...seriously, I've tried. This song can quite possibly produce the best make-out session you've ever had. It's seductive and dirty all at the same time. It's also vulnerable yet assuring. It can have you fall in love with whoever you lock lips with, even if that female is nowhere close to your heart (and possibly closer to another organ (you whore!)).

Mayer's tunes are usually great for melancholy moods and lonely wine drinking (hey! who said I do that?), but if anyone knows how to get a girl's lips wet (....you're a creep for misinterpreting that), then this track should compliment the room nicely.

My Parents Are Cooler Than Me!

It's Friday night. My mom is getting dressed, getting ready for her date, while humming the Mike Posner song; "It's probably because you think you're cooler than me...". I'm in a t-shirt and boxer shorts, eating an Apple with a knife; carelessly carving off slices like Crocodile Dundee. Suddenly, it dawns on me .....my mom has a more enjoyable social life than I do. Holy crap.

It's not that I don't have the option to go out on a weekend evening. Maybe I'm jaded? When I play a potential night-out in my head, it proceeds as such: Go out with friends, have a few drinks, talk to tacky girls who are of no interest in me, get home late, and fall asleep to Craig Ferguson on my DVR. It's the feeling of an unsatisfactory chain of events. Ironically, whenever I'm in a relationship, anything we do always turns out to be so goddamn fulfilling! Even laying in bed, watching movie with a mate, is more entertaining than standing in a crowded bar while loud thumps of shitty pop music causing damage to my ear drums.

This leads me to conclude that all of my friends, who say they love going out and partying are either: 1) Lying, or 2) "Going through a phase" ...because anyone who says they love being single has either been put through the rinse-cycle too many times in the relationship department, or they've gotten so used to their way of life that loneliness and empty sex has become their norm.

My mom goes out because she spent far too many years under the oppression of my father. This makes me optimistic for my romantic future, because if she can truly live her life again, so can I. But this doesn't mean I'll find it sitting at a bar-stool.

Age Discrimination Doesn't Exist When it Comes to Partying

So, my friend asked me try out a new bar after work last night and I figured it couldn't be too bad. Well, hot damn! I was very wrong! See, it wasn't the atmosphere of the place that distorted my vision. It was the demographic of bar-goers. I've never seen so many creepy, horny, promiscuous middle-aged adults in one setting. All of which seemed to have been making desperate attempts to hold onto their youth.

It was a minefield of men, dressed in flashy suits and fashionable H&M'esc attire, thinking they're the hottest shit since Mad Men. However, in New York, the suit can't buy you class. They still had extreme 'New Yawwwwk' accents, acted in low-class manors, groped female drink servers, and looked like statutory rapists. As for the women, it was disturbing to see caked-on make-up and tight dresses on the deteriorating bodies that only comes with years of gravity. Who approved this?

All of them acting like drunken teenagers, as the same shitty top 40 radio tunes pound the back of one's head like an excessive twitch. Everyone in the bar, fondling each other and acting like they were still in high school ....except the drinks are wildly expensive and the concept of "sophistication" appears very warped. Are they looking for casual hook-ups? Are they cheating on their partners? Are they divorcees and emotional wrecks, trying to regain freedom?

Listen,  I'm not hating on anyone looking to get their kicks off. But it makes me worry. Are these adults in their 2nd childhood or has immature behavior never left their mind frame? What happened to the days of a quiet cocktail lounge? Or am I living in an unrealistic fantasy world? Young or old -- nightlife has become a perfect mess of rowdy, trashy, and pathetic endeavors of people who just want to let loose and party. This leads me to ask- does anyone grow up anymore? Or are there no more boundaries between ages? Are we all just smearing generations together like the shitty people we've become?

(Make-Out) Song Of The Week - "Velvet Elvis" by Alex Winston

In the mood for a classy, yet wild-like, smooch session? Put the lipstick-stained martini glass down, bask in your buzz, and cozy up on the plush couch. "Velvet Elvis" may not sound like a seductive song at first, but Alex Winston manages to create a sexual tension, through her heart-pounding, subtle eroticism for the King himself. Her retro, new school sound sets the mood of a sophisticated evening. This isn't "frat party" music by any means. This is shirt & tie/cocktail dress attire-music. This is "Can I fix you a nightcap?" music.

WARNING: Your evening-wear may look disheveled after this song is complete.
Visit http://www.alexwinstonofficial.com/ to download this single.

Are The Best Girls Already Taken?

I probably sound like a whiner but I feel like every lovely girl I meet is already taken. See, it's not like I don't meet great girls -- there are plenty! But unfortunately, some other chump has always beat me to the punch ...usually years before I ever meet her. I'd say about 70% of the 'already-taken' girls I meet, have been with their boyfriend for over a year or two. The others usually just started dating their mates within a few months' time. Then I give myself the same rant; "Son of a b*tch! They're always f*cking taken! If I had only met them sooner!"  The most annoying part is, this happens way too often. I can think of a few females, within the last week, whom I've met and found out they're already spoken for.

What's funnier is, the single girls I meet are always single for an obvious reason: outer appearance, emotionally distraught from previous relationships, daddy issues, alcohol problems, going through 'slutty period', or just an overall crappy personality.

Believe me, I'm not one of those guys who wants what he can't have. Rather, I feel like a guy who has sh*t luck. I try to tell myself; "She won't be with that guy forever. Eventually, they'll break up...", but I don't want to be a post-relationship 'rebound'. I also don't want to pick up the mess that her ex left her with. In other words, when a girl mentions her boyfriend, I block her out of my (potential-for-dating) mind.

I'm also realizing not to take certain opportunities for granted. If I meet a female who I have a crush on and she's also single, there's no time to pussyfoot around and "let romance unfold naturally" -- That's bullsh*t. I have to take action. No more of this laissez-faire attitude!

Easier said than done, I know.

We'll see......

Text Message Snooping On Your Lover's Phone

So, you are spending time with your partner and at some point they walk away for whatever reason (in a case of marriage it could be to shower, etc.) All of a sudden you hear his or her phone receive a text message… do you look at who it’s from? A survey in suggests that one in three people with a cell phone are text message snoops AND the consequences are often irreversible.

Once you give in to snooping once, you most likely won’t hesitate to do it again whenever the next opportunity arises. 73 percent of text message checkers have found out about things they wish they hadn’t and 10 percent ended the relationship because of it. “Flirting is age old, but the fact that it can now be tracked on your phone makes a nervous partner a paranoid text-checker,” Virgin Mobile author and relationship expert Samantha Brett said. She also advised that if you already snoop, to stop. Something I couldn’t agree more with; if you have suspicions about your partner’s actions, the best thing is to talk about it. Otherwise you may find something out of context and lose trust or cause problems over nothing. Real trust can take years to build up and only seconds to destroy.

While I feel that snooping is very wrong and will lead to issues in the relationship, I also feel that being protective about your own phone would be suspicious to your partner. A phone is very different than something like a journal or diary. A diary is personal thoughts and should never be intruded on by anyone. A phone however is used to communicate with people and because of that, by definition it is not a private thing. There is nothing I do and no one I talk to on my phone that I need to hide from my girlfriend, and that’s the way it should be. For this reason, I generally don’t keep a password on my phone and if I do, I have no problem with her knowing what it is.

This does not mean I agree with the idea or act of snooping, quite honestly I am very much against it, but having a secret password on your phone would display a lack of trust to your partner just as much as snooping itself. So, if you ever have thoughts about looking through your significant other’s phone, computer, etc., think about the consequences first. Personally, I would strongly advise against not to, it just isn’t healthy for you or the relationship.

How Many People Have You Slept With? Why Does It Matter?

The Number -- One way or another, you'll be asked how many people you've slept with. But why does it matter to some people and what does it say about you? If girls sleep with a bunch of guys, they're considered sluts ...but why? To me, I see a deeper issue here. When a female has a high number of guys she's slept with, I start to question her emotional (in)stability. I think this is also is true for guys. Guys are stereo-typically not in touch with their emotions, yet many males I know are quite the opposite of what they're expected to be. On the other hand, girls seem to be evolving into what men used to be - less emotion and "casual" is no big deal.

Today, it's not uncommon for a female, in her early 20's, to have slept with 10-20 guys. This could either mean she's emotionally damaged and needs to force intimacy in order to boost her own self-esteem. Or it could also mean that a modern female is more in-tuned to her own sexual desires. And since women can get casual sex way easier than men can (don't try to dispute or challenge that proven theory), they might be secure enough to take advantage of those sexual opportunities.

But as a person's number continues to grow, I begin to wonder how they'd manage a one-on-one relationship. Would they get bored? Or would they be satisfied enough from their retired single-hood that they're ready for monogamy, more so than someone who has had significantly less partners. There are also those people who bounce around from one relationship to the next (aka "relationship hoppers"), which is transparently unhealthy and co-dependent.

So, what does this all mean? Are we becoming a culture who views sex as leisure fun? And if so, does this make a monogamous future difficult or easier to maintain? It seems many couples get divorced because they want to be free and explore their suppressed sexuality. I try not to judge a girl on her number but the truth is, my own insecurities and masculinity still comes into play on a subconscious level ...I wish I could change that! Sometimes I think sleeping with a bunch of females would help me feel better, but it never does. It wears off.

So the question still remains: is it in our blood to be promiscuous or are we having a lot of casual sex to combat a deeper issue?

(A response from guest writer, Spyro - 12/5/11)
Evolutionary biology suggests that men are hard-wired for promiscuity, and women for choosiness (see here:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_selection). But the standards by which we judge sexual behavior may be based on a set of presumptions that were either false from the start or are artifacts from a much earlier period of human existence. For example, the notion that men think much more frequently about sex than do women seems to be false (see here: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2011/11/28/do_men_really_think_about_sex_more_often_than_women_.html). My guess is that this piece of hearsay probably reflects more about each sex's stereotype of the other than about reality. The 20th century emancipation of women from subservience simply allowed the not-so-insignificant female sexuality to come to the forefront. Moreover, the concurrent destigmatization of sexual desire let humanity acknowledge what it has known to be true all along: humans are pleasure-seekers, and will always enthusiastically seek a good romp.

(Make-Out) Song Of The Week - "If You Run" by The Boxer Rebellion

If you're looking for a passionate make-out session that you'd like to share with a female who means something to you (In order words: more than a girl who only meets your casual, selfish, and physical needs), then you're in for a romantic treat with; "If You Run". UK indie-rock act, The Boxer Rebellion, have been around for many years, creating music for the thought-provoking soul.......

Their biggest US notoriety was in the 2010 romantic-comedy; Going The Distance, starring Justin Long & Drew Barrymore. The film was as hilarious as it was quite emotional. This song was played at a pivotal point of the film, where the main stars' characters reunited after breaking up 6 months prior to this scene. 

Aside from the movie, TBR have always been good at showing their mature, emotional side through their lyrics and ambient riffs. If you're looking for a truly intense vibe while you're locking lips with your gal, then this song should set the mood tenfold.

Dating Etiquette 101: Courtesy Counts!

While living in a modern, self-centered, narcissistic world, we sometimes forget the manors our parents taught us when we were tots .....or if you're part of the growing trend of being raised by crappy, neglectful parents, then you have no manors and you're the spawn of low class assh*les.

But hey, don't worry! That's why we're here to teach you little courteous gestures that can go a long way with a woman. Follow these simple steps:

Let her suggest the activity.
Forget what those macho, chauvinistic men say. When making plans to go on a date, ask her what she'd like to do and where she'd like to do. It's completely fine to add your input but do it together. This isn't a dictatorship. Ask what she'd like to do first and build upon her idea. She shouldn't need to be at your pleasurable mercy.

Greet her at her door.
There's no need to honk your obnoxious horn from the street. Taking those few measly steps to ring her doorbell will show her you put that tiny extra bit of effort to make her special.

Open the car door for her.
It's okay to be a little old fashion. You're taking her out on a date. She isn't your buddy that you go bar-hopping with. If you already greeted her at her door, this should be a fairly easy step since you're both walking to the same vehicle!

Open the door for her when you enter the date-activity.
Whether it be a restaurant, bar, movie theater, or blood donation center; if you don't open the door for your date, you should probably take her back home and apologize for wasting her time.

Pull out her chair before she sits.
Again, an oldie but a goodie. She really won't expect this one (isn't that sad?) but I bet she'll be quite impressed by your gentleman-like nature.


Offer to pay but DO NOT insist.
Today's modern woman varies. Some like traditionalism. Others are widely offended by the antique notion. There's no reason you can't offer to pay ....you should, especially if you asked her out. However, if she seems firm about splitting the bill (or paying) then don't put up a fight. This can be tricky because you may think she's trying to call your bluff. And sometimes, she is. But feel it out. Feel her out. That's why you're sitting down to dinner and/or drinks ....to get more acquainted with who she is. Movies take less time but this might be a good opportunity to order your tickets online. It's thoughtful and there's no room for debate.

Don't make it a one-time thing!
Follow these simple steps of simple detail and you will easily raise your chances of getting another date. Just don't forget -- make courtesy a habit! You have to keep the kindness going, even after you get into a relationship. Integrate courteousness into your attributes. Not just for a woman, but in society. They go a long way....and maybe your potential, future relationship will too.

Why Do The Holidays Make Us Feel Romantically Lonely?

The holiday season can be as delightful and plentiful as you want to make it. They can also be awesomely lonely and dreary. But why is this? Perhaps because these American, Hallmark traditions are marketed to us as times for "excessiveness". Crowding yourself around family and friends, eating more food than doctor-recommended, and exchanging many gifts that are mostly of little necessity. And then after it's all over, we celebrate by drinking too much, in order to welcome a new year of making the same mistakes?

Don't get me wrong -- I am no Scrooge. I have fond memories of previous holiday seasons and have been fortunate enough to always have lovely people to share it with. However, this is my first holiday season post-break-up so this unabridged feeling of loneliness is luring here and there. I know that future holiday seasons won't always be like this but maybe its because I know that having an inconsistency of romance is unavoidable ....because life happens.

("You've Got Mail")

The best I can do is try to get through this winter with as little emotion as I can. Sure, I'll put a smile on my mug and play the part of a cheerful chap, in order to please everyone. But at the end of the day, the holidays seem very hollow and faux to me. I don't know. I probably sound like a jaded 20'something right now. I'm going to pop in "You've Got Mail" and have a glass of wine. God, I f*cking love that movie!

(Make-Out) Song Of The Week - "The Zone" by The Weeknd feat. Drake

Looking to set the mood right? "The Zone" is a dark, ominous, ambient, and alluring track that compliments the perfect make-out session. Dim those lights, Febreeze your apartment, and hit the "Replay" button because the song's length is 7 minutes long, and it's worth the repetition. The Weeknd's sexy, emotional vocal chords makes even myself tingle, and Drake finishes off the track with a subtle, aggressive dominance.

Download The Weeknd's 2nd album/mixtape, Thursday, for free -- CLICK HERE

Online Flirting While in a Relationship

I apologize in advance if I’m too direct in this article but I have a very firm opinion on this subject. Regardless if the flirting is done online or in person, it is wrong. It may seem harmless because there is a computer distancing you from this other person, but the fact remains that you are dedicating time and to a degree fantasizing about this other person. Flirting does not have to be done in person for it to inspire arousal and doing it online can certainly lead to more involved situations as well. Consider how you would feel if your significant other was to do the same, does it bother you? Odds are it certainly will. If it doesn’t, then you might want to re evaluate your relationship because there might be a serious issue. 

If your partner engaged in some online flirting, you need to talk about it and express all of your concerns and feelings about it. Don’t just keep it bottled up because it will only create more problems down the road. It’s similar to getting a pebble stuck in your shoe. It may not bother you right away, but it won’t go away and when combined with others it causes a bigger problem.

Online flirting has increased significantly over the years as a reason for divorce. To me, and I’m sure I’m not alone when I say this, there is no difference whether it’s online or not. It is wrong, and has the potential to seriously hurt. To you it may just be a little harmless fun, but your “significant” other will feel betrayed and the person you are flirting with will also feel deceived. Talk about killing two birds with one stone.

Single Women at Weddings - Age Matters

Hooray! Wedding season is finally over for the year! Now I can hang my 1 makeshift suit back in the closet and remove the word "Open Bar" from my vernacular. I've come to the conclusion that the amount of single females depends on the age of the bride. The older the couple getting married (30s, 40s) -- the more locked-down couples there are -- which means the more lonely you feel. But if the couple is in their 20s, the more of a shot you have at meeting single girls.

In today's society, people barely get married in their 20s anymore. Out of the 6 weddings I was invited to this Fall, only 2 ceremonial couples were 20'something.The rest were in their 30s and 40s. Why is this? The trending story I continue to hear is; "I had A LOT of fun in my 20s but once I hit my 30s, I decided to cool down." .....Okay, I get it. Nobody wants to be tied down, especially in their wild youth. But are we having too much fun? Perhaps, are we creating too much baggage? Or is it healthier to wait awhile before we settle down?

This may sound grim but I'm curious to see which (out of the 6) couples will file for divorce. Considering the national statistics, it's bound to happen, right? This past weekend, my great aunt said something funny; "Everyone should get married twice. The first one is a practice run." It makes me wonder if, at a certain age, we want to be married and reproduce so badly, more than we want to find "that special someone". Some of you may have met that person in your 20s but you let them slip away because you weren't ready to settle down. Others needed time to date the  'wrong ones'.

I'll admit this -- out of all of these wedding ceremonies I've witnessed, I did get emotional at a couple of them. Going through all of this trouble to get married must mean something -- preparation, planning, financing, inviting guests, and months of anticipation. Why do we do it? Some do it for ego and display ....but I think most do it for love......real, genuine love....

and that's sweet....

Bumping Into Your Ex: How Do You Act?

Let's be honest ....it's never a comfortable situation when you either, coincidentally bump into your ex or know in advance that you'll have to see her at a social function. Part of you wants to see her just to subconsciously show her how well you're doing (aka "look at the prize you dumped!") and the other part of you wants to avoid her completely. Unfortunately, if you have mutual friends, the inevitability of seeing her again is likely. However, you can handle it the correct way and keep moving forward.

If you are forced to engage in conversation with her, remember to keep it brief. She doesn't deserve your time and hopefully, there are other surrounding friends to chat with other than her. Also, don't completely ignore her. It's childish and shows you're still affected by her. Don't be overly friendly either. All she deserves is a friendly wave from across the bar. Nothing more than that. Don't forget -- she isn't in your life anymore, so why would she need anything more than a wave?

Don't overcompensate. Don't try too hard to flirt with girls you see just for the sake of developing jealously. Most likely, she doesn't care anyway. If she shows up with a new guy, don't show any sign of emotion. She's in the past. Whoever she dates is none of your business. If she's already in the past, there's somewhere else better out there for you .......you probably hear that a lot but it's true.

Cheating: Can A Relationship Survive?

Many people deal with the problems of unfaithful partners. There is not much to say about it except that it's wrong. If you make an agreement with somebody (especially one involving real emotional attachment) keep it. Keep your pants on and be honest! If you aren't happy about your relationship, talk about it or leave. DO NOT LIE.

That being said, once a partner has cheated there are still a lot of issues to deal with. Just breaking up isn't always so easy. Sometimes people want to stay together even through hard times. Unfortunately for most people, once trust is lost it is not easily regained.

This loss of trust leads to suspicion, jealousy, arguments, and often the "break-up-make-up" routine. This happens because both people still want to be together even though one (or both) of them cannot get over the past. Getting over a betrayal is very difficult, especially if it comes from someone who you really care about. This is the time to ask yourself an important question. "Can I forgive them?" Put all the reasons, anger, and intricacies of the problem away and ask yourself that one simple question. If the answer is yes, then you have something to work with. However, if the answer is no, then it is time to part ways. What happens often is the answer turns out to be "I don't know." Take some time, and think it over. Just don't put it aside and pretend that there isn't a problem. Those feelings won't go away unless you acknowledge them. No relationship works without trust, and no relationship works with grudges.

A moral for all involved:

Before you break a promise, evaluate how important that relationship is to you. If it isn't important enough to keep, don't be in the relationship.

If you broke a promise and are now regretting it, make your intentions clear. It is going to take hard work and time to get that trust back.

If you're trust was broken, take some time to think it over. If you can find it in you to forgive that person, there may be hope to restore you relationship. If you can't, don't waste your time (or theirs) trifling over problems that you won't ever fix. It is time to move on and heal.

Relationship “Breaks”: Personal Space or a Graceful End?

Not too long ago, I wrote an article on the importance of having personal hobbies/interests in a relationship that you can do without your significant other. These are necessary so that one of you doesn’t begin to feel smothered or held back in any way. If it reaches that point, a relationship “break” is most likely going to cross one of your minds.

From my personal experience and stories I’ve read/heard, “breaks” rarely work out as just that. Whether it’s because one of you crossed a line while you two were apart, or one of you realized you are happier/ don’t miss the other, it usually brings more problems than solutions. Even if you do work things out and decide to try again, you will most likely feel like something is just… isn’t right. This is especially true if one of you spent some time with a new person on an intimate level. 

If you are the one initiating the break, make sure it’s what you really want and understand potential consequences before you have the talk. For most, hearing those words “let’s take a break,” could mean “let’s see other people” and potentially backfire on the little bit of space you may have wanted. Maybe just a few days away from them will make you feel different instead of going the extreme and possibly ruining the relationship. Regardless if you are initiating it or not, make sure rules are set as to what is OK and what isn’t so as to avoid making things more problematic. If rules don’t sound like something you want during this break then call it what it is, a break up. Don’t be misleading and give your once significant other false hope in getting back together, or leave them thinking that you are going to be taking personal time when you are planning on going on dates. The best thing you can do is be honest, no matter how difficult it may be.

Interview - Chef, Tony Kang Discusses Dating Delicacies

Chef, Tony Kang has worked in some of New York's toughest kitchens. His wise-ass, humorous, and abrasive personality plays into his charm, which you will soon see in 2012 as he will be featured on a "major cooking competition show" on a "major TV network" (as you can tell, we can't announce it yet). We asked Tony to put the knife down for a few minutes to answer some questions how essential food is to a date. Check them out:

TMMP: What's your favorite meal to cook for a woman?
Tony: I'm a spontaneous cook, so I like to cook whatever hints I get from the ladies.  If I played my cards right, I would also have to cook breakfast (wink, wink).

TMMP: What's your "go to" 1st date restaurant?
Tony: Absolute must, not just for me, but for all guys looking to impress a girl you'll really like Gotham Bar and Grill in Greenwich Village.

TMMP: Why do women love a man who can cook?
Tony: They get to see us do something that's primal, raw, and a skill that takes passion.  They can tell how passionate a man can be by the way he works with food and the ingredients.

TMMP: If you could cook for any celebrity female, in hopes of "wooing" her, who would it be and what would you cook?
Tony: I love Mila Kunis.  I have a soft spot for her exotic beauty and her down-to-earth humor.  I would make her something filling and luscious so she'd get into the lazy "let's sit on the couch and bum around" mood. That dish would be Braised Shortribs, Morel Mushrooms, Polenta and Butter Poached Lobster Tail.

TMMP: If you could eat food off of your date's body, which delicacy would you cover your date's body in?
Tony: Oysters and Uni. That's sexy as hell.

(Photo Credit: Charles Eames)

TMMP: What's the best meal for post-love-making?
Tony: A typical d-bag would say; "A sandwich." But being a modern gentleman I can't be selfish. I would make the both of us a simple dish of Spaghettini with chili, garlic and basil. Refuel with carbs!

TMMP: Are you a good cocktail maker too?
Tony: I dabble but it's not my greatest strength.

TMMP: What's your favorite drink to make for a lady?
Tony: Champagne with Grape Consomme and Strawberry Air. It's a mix of the old school classy and modern gastronomy.

TMMP: If a woman was cooking for you, what would she need to do in order to impress you?
Tony: Nothing. I would be impressed that she's actually cooking for me and I would appreciate the meal.

TMMP: Hottest celebrity chef. Go!...
Tony: Nigella Lawson...Talk about a classy lady.

Write down those tips guys and learn from a master chef.
Thanks Tony!

The Bar Scene: Not For You? There's Still Hope

If you are like me, then going out to a bar with some friends is usually a good time for you. However, going out to a bar in the hopes of finding romance just doesn't seem to work. Through about 10 minutes of heavy introspection, I have come up with a list of why I can't seem to find interest in any women I've met at bars. I will post it in case any of you out there relate:

1. I am not attracted to drunkenness. Stumbling women who can't speak coherently just don't do it for me. I like good conversation, and I like to be remembered the next day.

2. That "Girls Night Out" look (You know the one with a tight black dress, sparkles, high heels, a ton of make-up, and more hairspray than you'd like to think) does not appeal to me. I understand that you are trying to sell yourself a little. After all, you can't meet someone new if they don't notice you. Yet, something always tells me that the ones who try that hard have more to show than they do to say. Maybe it's a little judgmental of me, or maybe it's just my instinct that if someone is trying that hard to lure me in, they must have alterior motives.

3. I like good conversations. Some bars are good for this. Mostly, those bars are full of middle aged divorcees and burnt out alcoholics. Otherwise, they tend not to be full at all. The bars filled with young single crowds always seem to blast with music. I like to talk a lot more than I like to dance. So, naturally, this is a poor environment to find someone that interests me.

Well, three reasons are all I'm going to pull out right now. So, let's get on with some analysis!

Back when you were in high school, meeting new people was easy. You were around hundreds of people all day and, with loads of free time, meeting friends of friends or going to local hangout spots was more a lifestyle than a choice.

College is a little tougher. With a lot more schoolwork, and most likely a job, there is less time to go out and meet new people. Also, all of your friends stopped hanging out on the street corners and local parks, opting for more secure spots like bars, clubs, homes, apartments, etc. If you are attending a mainly commuter school, meeting new people becomes even more difficult.  

Out in the working world, you have less of a pool to choose from. The need to remain professional with coworkers rules out many people you meet through work. More and more time is consumed by your career, and your friends only go out on certain days and mostly out to bars (which we discussed briefly above) or restaurants (which aren't a great meeting place for singles).

For everyone out there, in college, at work, or both, I have advice. Don't be shy. If you are at the supermarket, cafe, bookstore, library, or just about anywhere and you see somebody interesting, just say "Hello." Well, also say something interesting. You don't want to seem creepy. If you can't think of anything to say, look around. There has to be something that affects both of you that you have an opinion on. After all, you are in the same place!

If you need a more social setting to feel comfortable, there are still options. If you go to college (even a commuter college) there is bound to be some sort of recreation room. You can also join clubs. These are great places to meet new people who you already have something in common with. 

If you are out in the working world, believe it or not, there are places adults go for recreation that don't involve intoxication. Check out local parks, coffee shops, hobby shops, etc.

Now there are two important rules and they are not easy.

1. Don't be shy. You can't meet anyone new without speaking to them.

2. Don't go in with any expectations. Go out to have fun. If you are scouting for a hot lady, she will probably catch on to your motives.
3. When you talk to someone new, say something interesting, spark a conversation, and DON'T just use some corny pick-up line.
4. Be you, be real and don't lose your patience. Meeting someone special can take a long time. Remember, you are important and unique, so finding a compatible partner probably isn't as easy as you would like it to be.

Okay, so that was more than two...

Don't Call me, "Friend Request" Me

So, I was at a wedding last night and surprisingly enough, there were quite a few single females. After a few drinks in, I became a dancing fool/chatty cathy with lots of half-ass conversing and overt flirtatiousness going on. When it came to the point of being asked; "Hey! We should hang out sometime!", what I found most fascinating was, rather than any female jotting down my number, I was asked to type my name into the Facebook app on their iPhone, so they can "Friend Request" me ....this happened with 3 different females over the course of the night, I should point out.

As I reflect on the evening and sip on my morning coffee, I'd like tell myself that I got 3 phone numbers last night .....but I didn't. I definitely know I got something. There were obvious vibes and attractions. But now I'm supposed to do what? Give them my number via Facebook? Why couldn't have I just done that last night, instead of typing my name into their smartphone? 

I'm starting to feel old and obsolete, even though my refusal to give-in to technology is completely by choice. I think I'm the only 20-something I know without a fancy ass phone. Even my mom has one. Call me old-fashioned or stubborn but I don't understand why the concept of dating has to become more complicated. I don't care which mutual friends we have or how many photos you're tagged in. If you do, then you should put your phone down and get some fresh air. 

Changing Your "Relationship Status" on Facebook: Pressure or Petty Narcissism?

When entering a new relationship, it seems like you're not "official" until you announce it on Facebook so everyone can virtually congratulate you. Getting dumped? When your fresh Ex decides to announce her singlehood, everyone gets to know about it! Not only do they find out, but they get to "LIKE" and comment on it. Talk about fun.....

Has Facebook become a gossip column for nobodies or a crucial step in relationship survival/dismissal? If you don't announce your new romance on your profile, some may consider your love illegitimate. Even your significant other could take offense to the fact you're not broadcasting your love all over the web. Does this add more pressure? Does this sound like petty narcissism? Does it have the potential to f*ck things up? Yes, yes, and yes.

How about getting dumped? After my last long-term relationship, it didn't truly hit me until she changed her status to "Single" the very next day. It was shocking to see how some of her friends were leaving comments of happiness and also seeing other guys waiting to pounce on her like fresh meat in the market. Of course, then I get the pleasure of receiving phone calls and text messages from friends, asking if "I'm okay", when I wasn't ready to tell anyone.

Even engagements are announced on Facebook and measuring your news is determined on how many of your friends "LIKE" it. Why are we letting Facebook become our reality? It used to be an escape from reality .....now reality just seems fake.

Microbreweries: The Next Great Date Spot?

Beer is no longer the desired piss-colored/flavored moonshine of shlubby men ....well, it still is, but if you haven't taken notice to the new wave of independent microbreweries sweeping the nation, then you must be a lonely bachelor who drinks 2fers at Applebees (no hatin'). Beer has developed a new sense of sophistication through these microbreweries and as a result, appeals to people of all varieties.

Finding a good place to have wine and a conversation has become pricey and rare. For us working class stiffs, we want to take a lady somewhere that says; "I'm cultured enough to not suggest a corporate establishment and possibly introduce you somewhere new ....because hey, I'm new to you and this is my subtle way of making a good impression."

Microbreweries are viewed with high regard for their creative beers, festive atmosphere, and individualistic charm. By taking your date to one, the same appeal may easily rub off on her perception of you. You're creative, festive, and an individual, right?!

A popular drink this time of year is the Pumpkin Spice Ale, with a cinnamon coated rim. Gents and dames alike find it satisfying, as it's not the kind of drink that suggests intoxication will ensue but rather: great taste + warm setting + nice conversation = a successful date.

Just like trying a new glass of Merlot, trying out a new craft beer may also result in a fun, adventurous experience .....just like your overall date has the potential to do.

Are you understanding the correlation I'm trying to make? Good. Then you've learned something.

Cheers!

Jealousy: The Delicate Balance

Whether you’re just starting a new relationship or you are several months in and taking things serious, odds are your lover has some friends of the opposite sex. We’ve all read, heard, or personally experienced these situations and whether jealousy is justified about these friends. It’s important to voice these concerns with your lover and understand their relationship with them. These could be friends they’ve had for several years and never had any deeper feelings for them, while you are becoming increasingly concerned and jealous when they hang out together.

While communication is necessary for you to understand their friendship and not to worry, it is also crucial to remember the conversation the next time they meet up and not bombard them with questions when they get home. Lack of trust becomes extremely irritating and can cost you the relationship. Its ok to be jealous at times, it shows you care for the person and are protective of them, but only in small doses is it cute and, to be blunt, acceptable.

Does this concern stem from a past relationship you had? Tough. Remember that everyone is different and whatever was done to you by your last boyfriend or girlfriend has no bearing in this new relationship. Just because he or she may have betrayed your trust, does not mean your new mate will do the same. They are different people with different opinions, which after an experience like that you need, right? Just remember, jealousy can be nice to show you care, but too much will cripple the relationship causing you to lose that thing you were so desperately trying to protect.